Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Suffering from Heart Bourne

(Editor’s note: If there’s anybody reading this who reckons they can come up with more amusing titles for these ‘Bourne Postings’ -- and let’s face it, you couldn’t honestly do much worse -- then please leave your suggestions in the comments box below. There’s going to be a lot of these ‘Bourne’ articles over the next twelve months, most likely, and I’m not sure I can stand any more of these low-grade puns.)
Right, it was the run up to Christmas 2008 – or the let down to Christmas 2008 depending on your point of view – which effectively meant that the vast majority of Wyre Archaeology members were being ordered around the shops by their other halves whilst being battered with rolling pins, Christmas puddings, frozen turkeys etc into ‘enjoying the festive season’. Other halves, I’ve noticed, tend to have an old fashioned view of Christmas, which runs something along the lines of: “It’s family time y’ miserable sod, so you’ll stand there looking fed up and blocking the aisle whether you’d rather be with y’r silly little archaeology friends or not!”)
Fortunately not everybody’s partners were quite so festively inclined, so there was David, Ken, me and Chris, all on the top of Bourne Hill in the fog, continuing our contour survey regardless of the seasonal obligations suffered by most.


Obviously the fog had burnt off quite a bit by the time that the photograph above was taken, but when we started out it was all a bit spooky and mysterious.


Actually, on the whole, it wasn’t a bad morning, especially seeing as I’d got a new flask for my soup. This one worked, unlike the flimsy bit of rubbish I’d bought from Woolworth’s a couple of weeks before. One of the advantages of not giving a stuff about Christmas and all that rot, is that you can actually buy yourself something practical instead of wasting several months’ wages on some bit of pointless tat for your spouse who, in return, will waste her money on a bit of pointless tat for you.


However, I’m wandering from the point of the article. (Editor: You mean it’s got one?) Unfortunately, it does take at least three people to conduct a thorough contour survey, so after Ken left to take his dog for a walk, and David left to help out with the reindeers and elves at the farm (apparently the place was infested with them, so he took his shovel and a large bag of salt with him, to put a stop to their antics once and for all), there wasn’t much point in me and Chris hanging around either.
In case you’ve forgotten what we were actually doing, we were conducting a contour survey of the top of Bourne Hill where the Iron Age settlement is…was…still is under the soil…at least in part.
There really wasn’t much more to the morning than that, so this is going to be a very short posting. (Oy! I heard that cheer from here!)
Just time to post the results of the survey so far and bugger off for some mince pie and chips then:


25 comments:

RVB said...

No more Bournes please!!!1! I think you're setting fire to my dignified relationship with the English language...and you're soiling the puns.

Glad to hear that British intestines still run with poor quality food such as pies and chips!

Ann oDyne said...

I know that 'fortified' soup, Bri.

Brian Hughes said...

Reuben,

Pie and chips isn't poor quality food. It's the nectar of the achaeologists' gods!

Annie,

The last tin of potato and leek soup I had was fortified to the extent that there were bits of masonary in it.

RVB said...

I wonder...

If that's nectar for archaeologist gods, then what must constitute the gods' pie and chips?

Brian Hughes said...

Australian food.

John said...

I've already handed in me list of titles for Bourne posts, so you're good to go there.

As for the contouring, what have we learned? Any unusual bumps or leveled areas?

Looking forward to the ever continuing story that is Bourne!

JOHN :0)

Brian Hughes said...

John,

Yes...thank you for the list. I didn't mention it because I wasn't sure if you were going to post them on the board or not. I'll certainly be using some.

As for what we've discovered so far, well, I now know how bloomin' cold it is on top of that hill in the middle of winter...but that's about it.

John said...

Brian,

I left the list there for you to decide whether to post or not. I put a lot into it, so it would be nice to guest post, but it's your board ,so you da boss.

Just keep posting, JOHN ":0)

Brian Hughes said...

John,

If I post it, then I can't nick all those excellent Bourne titles. And I will be needing a lot of 'em. What I'll do instead, I think, is just use the titles and add a copyright to them on your behalf each time I do so, if that's alright?

RVB said...

What are you talking about Brian? All of our food is sourced from Britain.

Brian Hughes said...

Reuben,

That probably explains why it's gone off by the time it reaches Oz then.

Ann oDyne said...

go for the bourne

the bourne supremacy

bourne the floor

bourne-out

A Bourne In The Hand

I'm only a bourne in a gilded cage

shirley said...

Bourne free
Bourne again Christian
bourne on the wrong side of the blanket
Bourne out of wedlock
Bourne with a silver spoon in your mouth (or in Brian's case (archeological implement in his mouth)

(my pesky Roget's Thesaurus)

RVB said...

Nah...it's just the New Zealand stuff that goes off here, Brian.

Brian Hughes said...

Annie and Shirley,

Excellent suggestions all. I've copied them into a Word document for future use making a careful note of who suggested what. Some of them will definitely be used (although not necessarily appreciated by those of a non-punning nature).

Reuben,

Considering what the New Zealanders allegedly get up to with their livestock, that doesn't surprise me.

Jayne said...

Hmmmmmmmm pie and chips in gravy hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
With a piece of fresh bread buttered to mop up the gravy.

Brian Hughes said...

That's it...you've made my mouth start watering now. It's half past one in the morning, but I'm going to have to stick the oven on.

RVB said...

Chicken, chips, peas and gravy - perhaps the best meal in the universe.

Lord Sedgwick said...

Only the addition of lashings of Vegemite could improve that legendary Carême dish.

Brian Hughes said...

Sedgers,

Never! It's Marmite and haute cuisine surely?!

Ann oDyne said...

I was itching for something ossified in the post so I could suggest

Osseous Bourne

Ann oDyne said...

be good if I linked right.

Osseous: Having to do with the bone, consisting of bone, or resembling bone.

From "os" which is a synonym for "bone." The Latin word "os" means "bone" as does the related Greek word "osteon."

Brian Hughes said...

Annie,

Hence the word osteopath. Does that mean that Ozzies are...er...on second thoughts...family site...better not go there.

F.G. Marshall-Stacks said...

Osseous Bourne = Ozzy Osbourne

Brian Hughes said...

Thanks F.G. That's another one for a later article.