Friday, February 01, 2008

Highly Recommended…for the good of your health

Before anybody starts, yes that it is my ugly mush, and no I can’t help the way I look (I’m descended from the first Earls of Derby who thoughtfully left me an inheritance of inbred features, arthritis and gallbladder problems but absolutely sod all in the way of their ill-gotten wealth…mind you, I’m at an advantage, because I’m on in the inside looking out and, besides, it’s a ‘trustworthy’ sort of face because, well…nobody has to worry about their girlfriends running off with me). However, you shouldn’t be looking at my unsightly mug. You ought to be looking at the book I’m holding.
It’s called ‘Archaeology: What it is, where it is, and how to do it’ by ‘Paul Wilkinson’. And no, it isn’t one of mine and Michelle’s…and Paul Wilkinson isn’t even a mate of ours. So you might be wondering why we’re going to such lengths to promote it. Well, the truth is, not all the members of Wyre Archaeology are fully conversant with excavation and recording techniques…and that’s putting it mildly. When it comes to identifying the composite values of stratigraphic layers, using the universally accepted symbols for subversive undercuts or filling in context sheets correctly, quick frankly, most of you are completely useless. And, let’s face it, that sort of ignorance makes us archaeological geniuses that are saddled with the rest of you look less than the expert and professional people what we are.
Therefore, the committee have decided in their infinite wisdom (and quite rightly too) that it’s about time you lot found out how to conduct yourselves in the field. And because the techniques vary slightly from society to society, we thought it was also time to standardise the approach…at least within our own immediate circle.
There are currently three copies of the above book (which basically gives you as much information as you need to get started and hold your own with those in the know) available from the Wyre Archaeology library. And most of the committee have bought copies of it as well. But, as you’ve probably gathered, this is nowhere near enough to deal with our ever-growing membership…and besides, books like this take time to thoroughly digest and cogitate upon. So we’re recommending that everyone who’s already a member of, or intends to join, Wyre Archaeology buys, studies and absorbs their own copy of this relatively slim volume, in an attempt to avoid digging through important sediments, misdiagnosing small finds and generally incurring the wrath of Ken Emery and Gary Thornton.
Does that sound fair enough? Right…here’s the address where you can pick up a copy online:
Follow this link now!

It’s less that a tenner to buy, and it could save you from a severe beating later on. On the other hand, if you don’t have a Pay Pal or Credit Card account you could always have a word with Gary Thornton at the next Wyre Archaeology meeting and he’ll gladly order a copy for you. But make sure you do, because it’s in your own interests to swat up in advance of the digging season.
’Nuff said. However, before I sign off until Friday, I just wanted to add the following addendum to the posting below, sent to us, as always by the ever-resourceful Phil. This is actual stock-footage of John Lester’s midgets; a rare insight into exactly what it was that drove the Victorians and Edwardians mad with desire for the mischievous little buggers. (To be honest, I’ve watched the footage myself, and now I’m even more perplexed as to what the obsession was…but we’ll let the rest of you make up your own minds.)


JahTeh said...

You should have been holding up a severely battered member of the Fylde and Wyre instead of the book to get the message across.

Brian Hughes said...


That's the next step.

Ozfemme said...

t's on my list... the book. Digging season sounds like fun. If I read it to my jack russells can they come too?

Brian Hughes said...


Absolutely, just so long as they don't get muddy pawprints all over the context sheets.

Ozfemme said...

Oh and ..gaaaaaaaah... my eyes, my eyes!!

Backslider said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brian Hughes said...


(Sorry about that...I stupidly signed under the wrong then...where was I? Oh yes...)

Midget films (especially when combined with mugshots of Yours truly) have that effect on people's eyes I'm afraid. But it's wise to remember, there is no 'I' in 'teamwork.' There's a mixed up 'me', and a back-to-front 'rot' and 'a wok' when I come to look fact, now that I think about it, it's a rubbish aphorism, and I won't be using it again.